‘Children and mothers never truly part -
Bound in the beating of each other’s heart.’

‘I’d rather be a mother than anyone on earth
Bringing up a child or two of unpretentious birth…
I’d rather tuck a little child all safe and sound in bed
than twine a chain of diamonds about my [carefree] head.
I’d rather wash a smudgy face with round, bright, baby eyes
Than paint the pageantry of fame or walk among the wise.’

‘A mother’s love liberates.’

‘Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes.’

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuvx5yfJcn8

If Albert Einstein said ‘we cannot despair of humanity, since we ourselves are human beings,’ where does that leave us when someone commits a crime so heinous that there is no room for forgiveness or understanding?

I’m not always sure where I stand on the subject either. Though right now, after hearing about this horrific act in the news, I’m more than inclined to believe that pure evil does indeed exist.

Maybe I need to remember the words of Gandhi and let that somehow restore my faith in human beings:

 ’You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.’

Everything appears as normal: people passing me by and cars speeding past. Me with my thoughts, more often than not, pretty mundane. What shall I make for dinner? Shall I have a bath or shower? What’s on telly tonight? And so on…

Then, out of nowhere, bam. My legs turn to jelly and my head feels heavy and fuzzy.

Nothing about me or my surroundings feel real. I start to panic. Are these cars real? Is my body really pumping blood through it? Am I me? Do I exist?

It’s scary when it happens. But the feeling always passes within seconds.

Before I know it, I’m back to my old self, posing the same banal questions about food and washing.

But I haven’t forgotten – and I spend the next few minutes or so watching my feet to make sure they touch the pavement.

This occurance happened to me again recently and finally prompted me to find out if others experienced this.

I spent a few hours on the internet that evening (once Baby C was fast asleep), energetically typing and re-typing code words into the toolbox. Weird feeling in street, feet feel like jelly, and so on.

After a few hours, I had my answer. A metaphysical one.

Metaphysics is a branch of philosophy concerned with explaining the fundamental nature of being and the world, although the term is not easily defined.Traditionally, metaphysics attempts to answer two basic questions in the broadest possible terms:

1. ‘What is there?’
2. ‘What is it like?’

The word ‘metaphysics’ derives from the Greek words μετά / beyond or after and φυσικά  / physics.

Although it has been around for centuries, it’s only now with recent advances in science that we are beginning to find answers to questions philosophers, scientists and just ordinary people like me have been asking themselves for years.

The central question is: could this all just be a hologram. The apples we buy from the shop, the cigarettes we smoke, the wine we drink, the cars we drive, the houses we live in, and even the feelings we experience.

There are so many questions that come to my mind:

1.  Do we feel pain when we knock our elbow or scratch our leg? Or are our brains trained to send out pain signals? Is it all mental, not physical? But then, how does bruising occur for example?

Science over the years has proven that the core matter of the physcial world is energy.

Some scientists argue that, these small particles that the ‘real world’ is made of, act like waves as opposed to particles, and waves do not have substance.

Waves cannot be matter.

If at the core of what we believe to be physically real turns out to be nothing but energy, then we cannot be in something physically real?

In my usual way, here is a song to go with the quote:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11Gs-rfPPis&feature=related

This is a beautiful song from my all time favourite film (from my all time favourite book) that (could) evoke feelings that bring you to life:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2PRhrebtbM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVRnG1MddAM

A lovely scene from the film, which encapsulates it (if you don’t get the chance to see it):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqgjglsG7dc

Or, is life a little less black and white than that? (As you can see from some of my earlier posts I find the concept of black and white a bit tricky to grasp)

‘You’re definately an extrovert,’ the said member of my family proclaimed. My instant reaction was to agree but, somehow, as I began digesting it, that word EXTROVERT just did not seem to sit well in my gut.

‘Isn’t an extrovert someone who always loves being around people?’ I thought to myself. I  love nothing more than sitting in a cafe, alone (Mr C and baby C are my only exceptions) observing people and the ridiculousnous of them. And I hate it if anyone, low and behold, interrupts my alone time to start chit-chat with me. I feel intruded upon and invaded.

Ummm…so I went to sleep that night in two minds: was I or wasn’t I?

When I woke up the next morning (snuggled up to baby C who poor little thing was all covered in my leaking breast milk - milk production is at its highest during the night), a little voice in my head kept twittering in my ear. ‘Don’t you remember as a child when you used to sit by the window in an empty classroom during your break? I hardly think you’re an extrovert, silly.’

‘Or  when you used to hide upstairs when friends ‘popped’ by?’

‘Ok, I get it!’ I huffed at my little voice. ‘I’m actually a bit of an anti-social weirdo! I get it, enough now!’

Things have changed since those days, I’m no longer hiding away when people ring on my doorbell and I definately enjoy like minded peoples company. But maybe I will always have some of those crazy reclusive Howard Hughes-esque tendencies about me (though you won’t be finding me spending four months lying naked on a sofa consuming just milk and chocolate whilst watching DVDs)

You know what, I’m proud of liking my own company. Not because I’m so incredibly fascinating. Just because sometimes I like to keep my mind clear so I can actually think a little.

(ps. I’ve been typing this with one hand as baby C is lying asleep in my arms so pls excuse any typos or lack of flowery language).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SLvtP6KMUM&feature=related

Sleep deprivation does funny things to your musical taste!